Tuesday, May 4, 2010

This is a picture of the world-famous Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville, TN......flooded with water.

On Saturday, May 1 (which happened to be my 25th birthday), it started raining.  And when I say raining, I mean it was a torrential downpour.  And it      didn't   stop raining until Sunday afternoon, May 2.  

In less than 36 hours, it rained 18 inches.  To give you some perspective, the average monthly rainful in the month of May for Nashville is around 4 inches.

All of this rain - along with the unfortunate help of the Cumberland River and all it's tributaries & streams, Nashville & its surrounding areas experienced historic record flooding.

Businesses, homes & lives have been devastated - some people's lives changed forever.

Thankfully, the neighborhood in Franklin (suburb just 15 min south of downtown Nashville) where Jack & I live remained completely unaffected.  Jack even mowed our grass Monday afternoon, and the sun has been shining since the rain stopped on Sunday.

But it has been quite surreal seeing the photos & videos on the TV news of Nashville - entire subdivisions totally under water.  The Schermerhorn Symphony Center, Grand Ole Opry, Opryland Hotel, downtown Nashville.....all totally under water. 

As we were getting ready for bed on Saturday night, Jack said to me, "We need to thank God for protecting us and our house from all this flooding", to which my immediate response was, "We can't do that!" 

My reasoning?  Because I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the concept.  If I believe that God purposefully & intentionally chose to protect us from the flooding, then that must mean that I also believe that God purposefully & intentionally chose NOT to protect others from the flooding.  And I just can't believe that.  I cannot allow myself to believe that God would choose this kind of devastation on anyone. 

So, yes I am very thankful we were not affected - but I have no idea as to why some people were and others weren't.  I have no idea to what extent God is purposefully involved in the details of what happens here on earth.  Does he protect people?  And if so, then why does He protect some and not others? 

Welcome to the mind of Shelly E. Johnson.  These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night, and cause great amounts of uneasiness in my everyday mental life.

BUT......I am confident and COMFORTED in the fact that God cannot and will not be understood, figured out, or explained.  So, it doesn't really bother me that I have no answers to these haunting questions.

I know all I need to know:  He is in control. 

May all of us live our lives in surrender to Him, and be available for Him to show His glory to the world through us. 

October 6, 2009

Well, once again I am confessing that it has been too long since my last blog entry.  

It's not because I don't want to write.  It's because I have this ridiulous idea that if I'm going to take the time to write something worthy of you reading, it has to be well-thought out, proof-read, edited, and formatted so that it flows smoothly and comes across the right way.  

But to be blunt, I don't have that kind of time.  So I am just sitting here at 9:24pm on a Tuesday night, as my sweet husband is out of town and I am missing him, writing what is on my heart.  

Last week, Jack and I had our eyes opened.  

We went to the beautiful country of El Salvador with an organization known as Compassion International.  Compassion is a non-profit organization accomplishing the incredible ministry of releasing children from poverty.  I could spend an entire blog describing the remarkable efficiency with which they acheive such a task, but that is not the reason I am writing.  (If you want to learn more, visit www.compassion.com).

I am writing to tell you what I saw.  What I experienced.  

We stood in a one-room hut held up by bamboo and mud that "houses" a 5-person family, and listened as the mother told us how much she loves God, how good God is to them, how faithful He has been, and how grateful they are to have God.  She then proceeds to tell us that her brother started to build this "house" for her, but while he was in the process of building it, someone came and killed him.  So it never got finished.  She said whenever it rains (and in El Salvador, the rainy season lasts from November to May...and when it rains it POURS), the entire "house" gets completely flooded and everything gets soaked - their clothes, their beds, their food, everything.  She then walked us over to where their "beds" were.  They have two of them for the six of them.  Over one of the beds, there is a "mosquito net" to protect them from getting eaten alive every night as they sleep, and she told us she would love to have another mosquito net to put over the other bed.  But she just sort of nonchalantly shrugged and began telling us again how much she loves God and how good He is to her.    

  Another day, we visited the home of another family.  This mother is 25 years old, and has 3 sons.  She was married at age 13, had her three sons, and six years ago, her husband left and she hasn't seen him since.  Their hut is positioned on the side of a cliff, and the entire back wall is non-existent, which means their hut just opens up to the edge of that cliff.  It's a miracle one of her kids hasn't already fallen off.  As we talked with her, she broke down into tears and began to sob.  Talk about not knowing what to say.  We did our best to comfort her, to remind her what a great mother she is to her boys, to remind her how much God loves her and how He would sustain her.  I must say, that's the hardest time I've ever had to say that to someone.  

 The entire week, we walked and talked among those living in extreme poverty.  These people have only the food in their hand, the clothes on their back, and the fragile roof over their head - at least until another severe thunderstorm blows through - and these were the happiest people I have EVER MET IN MY LIFE.  

They have God, and He is enough.  He brings them all the joy they could ever need, and they are content just in knowing Him. 

I was smacked in the face with a life-changing conviction:  For so long, I have been asking God, "What do you want from me?"  "What is your will for my life?" And I have been somewhat frustrated in seeking the answers to these questions.  

Last week, I got my answer.  It was as if God said to me, "You see the attitude of these people?  That is what I want from you.  I want you to need Me and only Me.  I want to be the Joy of your life.  I want you to be content just in knowing Me".  

Our wealth has great potential to blind us of our great need for God.  

These people understand the heart of God better than anyone I've ever met.  These precious people taught me what it really means to know, love and serve God.  

July 6, 2009

I am ashamed.  It has been over a month since posting my last blog here.  Not because I have not wanted to or not had the time -     but simply because I have believed the subtle lie that in order for a blog to be worthy of writing, it must be incredibly deep or  profound.  I guess I haven't been feeling particularly deep or profound over the past few weeks, so I have not written. 

I am learning that is just how life is sometimes.  There are moments so full, so rich, so deep.  And then, there are moments that just......are.  Nothing special.  Nothing particularly exciting.  Just normal everyday moments.  And I am finding that the essence of life happens in these ordinary moments - it is in the mundane, "ordinary" tasks of daily living that I experience my closest intimacy with God. 

It is in the routine trips to the grocery store – browsing the aisles, overwhelmed by the amount of variety I must choose from, trying to decide what in the world to eat for dinner – that I discover my hunger for simplicity.  Oh, to lead a simple life!  Life is not supposed to be as complicated as I sometimes make it – it is very simple really.  The purpose of life, the reason why I am here is so simple:  1) To know God  2) To help others know God. 

If I would just focus on those two things, and those two things alone......oh, how much simpler life would be.

It is in the routine visits to the gas station – visits that are absolutely necessary in order for me to continue “moving forward” in life – that I am reminded of my constant need for God.  In the same way that my car requires fuel to continue doing what it was created to do, I require fuel to continue doing what I was created to do. 

The only fuel on which I can survive is God’s Word.  It baffles me why I ever let a day go by without intentionally setting aside time to be with God – to read His Word, to journal, to sit with Him, to listen....to be STILL.  There’s a concept.  Being still.  Why is being still always the last thing on my to do list?  The fact that it is even on my to-do list at all is ridiculous. 

It is in the mundane task of folding laundry that I am reminded of how blessed I am to have clothes – lots of clothes – and not just lots of clothes, but even cute clothes that I enjoy wearing – and I can’t help but think about all the people in the world who have no clothes.  And then I think about why they have no clothes – in a world so over-run with resources and material things – and why they still have no clothes, and who is going to do something about that?  Who is going to help them?  And then I am reminded of why God put me here:  to clothe the naked, to love the poor, to care for the orphan and the widow and the downtrodden, to take the focus off of myself and place it on others. 

Yes, it is in the mundane to-and-fro of life – the running of errands, meetings, appointments, the checking off of the ever so important to-do list that much too often takes over my existence – that I am reminded of how meaningless life would be without God.  All the busyness, the coming and going, the planning, the doing, the “progress” is utterly meaningless if there is no Kingdom purpose behind it.  If everything I am doing is not somehow going to help others know God, then why do it?  For after this life is over, there is no one to answer to but God Almighty....and oh, how I want Him to find me faithful.

I would have to say my greatest - if not my only - fear in life is Almighty God.  I fear that I will get to the end of this earthly life only to discover that I have wasted it.  This fear is what keeps me going when I feel like giving up.  This fear is what motivates me to work hard in pursuing my dream.  This fear is what gives purpose and meaning and passion to everything I do.  It is a healthy fear - the only fear worth having.  

And it is in these ordinary events of life that cause me to drop to my knees and re-evaluate the very heart of life itself.  It’s not about me.  It’s all about Him.  And when He walked on this earth, He was concerned with two things and two things alone:  1) Knowing God   2) Helping others know God. 

Yes, life is very simple.  All of life comes down to those two things. 

Yes, life is very simple.  Not easy.  But very simple. 

June 1, 2009

It is June already!  2009 is already half over......I find this extremely unsettling.  I can't remember who said it, but I heard a young parent of two small children say recently, "These are very long days, but very short years".  They were referring to how quickly their children are growing up, but the more I think about it, that statement seems to apply to all of life......

I am amazed at how busy I get and how little time there seems to be in a day.  I have discovered a new-found love for those quiet moments with God.  Those times I get to spend all alone - journaling, reading, sitting with God - oh how I wish moments like that could last forever.  

I have found that when I let the "busyness" of life take over, my alone times with God are the first item on my schedule to suffer.  But the ironic thing is, when those times with God don't happen, then I begin to suffer big time.  I begin to feel disconnected, stressed, frustrated, confused, anxious......

But when I simply set aside some time to just sit still and be with Him, everything changes.  All of life is put in perspective.  The things on my to-do list that seemed like such a big deal just...aren't anymore.  Oh, they still have to get done, but not nearly as urgently as I tend to believe.  I mean, honestly, does it really matter if I send that email at 7am or 8am?  Is it really going to make that big of a difference?  But oh how much of a difference it makes when I spend that hour with God......when I purposefully put life on hold for an hour to just sit with Him.......

....That makes all the difference in the world.

May 18, 2009

Jack and I got to spend an entire week together last week on vacation in St. Thomas.  It was glorious.  Relaxing, refreshing, and renewing.  Next week on May 28th, we will be celebrating our 4 Year Wedding Anniversary.  They have been the best 4 years of my life...and mysteriously continue to get better.  

I say mysteriously because I just can't figure this out.  It's a phenomenon, I'm sure.  When Jack and I married four years ago, I was completely head-over-heels in love with him, and I couldn't imagine how I could possibly love him more than I already did.  But I love him way more today than I did then.  I love him more today than I did just yesterday.  It seems that this love just grows and grows.  It widens, it deepens, and it grows at exponential rates.  It's amazing really - the human capacity for love.  There is no limit.  I suppose it is entirely because the Source of our love is Love Himself - God.  God is Love, and since God is eternal, I suppose that means Love is eternal...

It is a treasure, a gift, a complete blessing from God to get to spend my life with someone I love so much - someone who brings me so much joy - and someone who simply by being him causes that love to deepen continually.  I can't even begin to imagine 50 years together - I pray we are blessed with that much time together.  I pray we are blessed with more.  Perhaps I have somewhat of a nervous view of "growing old together" because my daddy died just a few months after my parents celebrated their 25th Wedding Anniversary, when my parents were only 47 years old.  Yes, they were extremely blessed with 25 wonderful years of marriage, but 25 years is not long enough.  Fifty years would not be long enough either. Perhaps because love is not meant to have an end......

Perhaps that is why heaven will be so wonderful...because we will have God, who is love - Perfect Love - for all eternity.  That love will grow and deepen and continue to grow...forever......the way it was intended to be......

And since we are on the subject of heaven, there is a part of me that wants to believe heaven will look a little bit like the above picture.  But I know I'm wrong.  Heaven will be much more beautiful...

April 30, 2009

So, last Saturday, I ran my very first marathon.  The Country Music Marathon here in Nashville, TN.  Yes, that's correct.  A full marathon - 26.2 miles! 

It was NOTHING like I expected.  

I started training in January, and had a very successful and enjoyable training process.  By the time I was running 18 and 20 miles in my training schedule, I was feeling great, and running about 8.5-minute miles.  I had every reason to believe the marathon would be a glorious experience. 

But it wasn't.  It was one of the most miserable experiences of my life to date. 

April 21, 2009

Tonight was a dream come true for me.

In many ways, this entire "album-recording process" has been a dream come true for me.  I am enjoying the privilege of working with a fabulous producer who not only speaks my same musical language but also believes in me, encourages me, and challenges me to reach my highest potential as an artist.  I have also had the incredible thrill of getting to arrange & orchestrate all the songs on my album, and then get to see them come to life right before my eyes. 

I have dreamed of this for years.  No, I didn't have the budget to hire an 80-piece orchestra (hopefully next album!), but I did have the opportunity to manually record all the orchestra parts with top-of-the-line orchestral samples that sound as real as anything I've ever heard.  Another dream that came true was getting to write a cello part and then hire a REAL cellist to come play.  And, oh, how he played.  It was one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard - I have always loved the marraige of solo cello and piano, and I was close to tears at least a couple times while he was recording.  That may have been the highlight. 

April 15, 2009

I read a book recently that single-handedly altered the way I view, and now strive to live, my life. 

This book addressed the very issue in my life that I did not realize was an issue until I began to read.

It is this issue of "busyness" - simply defined as the act of being "busy".